Lesson Learned

I was watching SVU as always, to just veg out with.  I am a nut with this show.  Half of the time that it is on my television I’m not even watching it but doing other things…it serves as my background music.

Anyway, this is an episode about a young child whose father is abusive and he is trying to make the young genius more of a nightmare.  You know those…   There was one line that struck out to me, when the child was being questioned by Officer Stabler about a few drawings the young boy had in a sketch book.  The young man said “Yeah, my father says sometimes if you are having a problem it is best for the left brain to work it out for you.    I thought, how genius!…and got to my art work again.

I have loads of art online now to be purchased if you’d like.  You can get a print under $10!  Or, maybe even go for the framed print for your living room wall!  Check them out now: http://www.artpal.com/thejennamarotta

I hope you like!

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The Ladder

I’m quite sure my ladder is missing a rung. I keep climbing, but I’m missing something, and I fall back down.

The holiday time tends to bring out the emotional side in me since I’ve lost my brother and my father. I’m sure many of the people in this world can relate, so that’s why I’m sharing.

I’m trying to climb to the top of my personal ladder, and it’s hard some days.  I feel like maybe more days should be with no missing rungs.  Instead, on days like these I am missing not one, but three to get to the next step.  So what do I do?

I pray.  I ask God to save me from falling.  I ask him to PLEASE grant me the strength to jump over the missing rungs, and grab on to the top and with all my might I pull myself back up again.  At the top of my ladder is a guitar, and I hold it for strength.

I hold the guitar so close to my heart, for it heals me.  So does my voice…it heals me. Thank you God for this gift, it’s the only thing keeping me from falling.

Innocent One

So red and so fair
You have the world of life in you
Will you be always so untouched and so innocent?

So strong and dark
Are the ones who can
Strengthen your untouched heart.
And are they the ones who can do it?

Do you belong where you dream to be?

Are you into the hell that we pay?

Child you have no care to underestimate the hurt
Conceived by the flesh of our society.

I love that innocence.

America hasn’t changed
We are only actors
In a great play so that we all may see the light when we die.

We are just puppets of the Universe, or whatever you may want to believe in.

You are hurt you don’t want to be where you are, and…

I am hurt where I am is a damn distance away from where I want to be

You will hurt less when you make your way

As will I

Aren’t we the same?

Aren’t we all?

Do not lie.

One love.

Ambitious Material

Having quiet moments alone with God is the right answer today while I’m writing new songs, sipping one more cup of tea but still…there rules another land one sad day I lived.

Have you ever really dug deep within to correct the matters that bind you?

Do you reflect on once was improving in you? Sometimes I do…and many more times I’m devilish. Better to not wash my hair then to, but that isn’t the right solution.

Next to nothing is what they thought of themselves the way I listed their hearts. “I’ve been a bad bad gir”l, as Fiona Apple wrote…and the new song that’s tearing up the charts at the moment is so chaotic….”Bang Bang into the room”….”see, anybody could be bad to you. you need a good girl,” then what? “See anybody could be good to you? You need a bad girl. ” Hmm what an oxymoron. But what is it that he wants? The inevitable he? The good girl or the bad girl?

The truth is, somewhat of a balance of good and bad is a good day in my book. This is one thing I am working on in my life with everything I do. So today, as my song is written, my time with God is spent to make me a better neI rise.

Never Forget to balance your love forever …. Especially in you to love you.

I’m in the Adult Entertainment industry.

Well, not really, I’m a songwriter.  I am an adult-contemporary singer-songwriter, but it’s nearly the same industry.

You’re competing with other hot women to get attention.  You compete and compete to get fucked over and over again.

HA.

I have to say, this isn’t the business for softies.  You have to be tough…firm, if you will. 😉

It’s an interesting thing when I think of it.  Adult Contemporary.  It’s much harder to get your audience.  Most adults already have their favorites, and can be generally busy and not into you.  You aren’t marketing to teenagers who are the majority of the listeners, because they aren’t really going to understand the message you are trying to portray or the story you are telling.  You have to be brave and reach out to pig headed, stubborn adults and sometimes it’s difficult.

I venture to rise above this however, by giving them something of substance.  Something that not only their ears will hear and it will be a pleasing sound, but also a pleasing message.  To get the job done quicker, many of us listen to music to speed the process along…this is where time fails us.  We work and work until nothing is left.  We as somewhat adults are in and out of relationships so quickly now a days, and we certainly don’t want to listen to advice once we have grown up….so what’s left?  TV?

There’s got to be more in this world than what we are currently doing.  We need more happiness and less business.  More love and less money.  More songs of love and less sex.

That’s just my opinion, but who am I?  I am a songwriter…in the Adult Entertainment Industry.  Godbless the followers of this blog, you are getting to know who I am on the inside.  Be blessed.

Angels among us

One day I chased away an angel with my ego.

I wasn’t aware I even had it like that, but apparently I was the one someone else wanted to be.

Funny thing when you hate yourself. You don’t want to be you. You yearn for what they have, and they have nothing at all.

I was reminded who I was once and who I aim to not be. I ignored a woman of weaker strength. Though years later come to get to know her and she is wonderful. Why was I ever too cool or too interested in myself to friend people who looked to me as if they wanted more of what I was? I had been bullied.

Typically the ones who were bullied retaliate against weaker people becoming bullies themselves. Some follow the crowd of the leaders of the bully and don’t know they are becoming like them too. I had my moments with this and wisdom has made me believe in them to be the better person, now that I am old.

I have never felt to tell my tales, but someone will read one day and make a change.

So stop bullying people. Look in the mirror, and if you’re guilty too, make a change.

Dear past hurt humans,

I’m so sorry.

Love,

Never again your bully.

Goodbye Soldier

It was Spring of 2010 and I had a new friend who I was “in love with”.  I chased and chased myself into another lonely weekend.

I, being the girl that I am, took to shopping.  I was in Century 21 down by Wall Street looking at purses and fashionable things I couldn’t afford.  I did afford however, a phone call that blew my mind, quite honestly.

It was my “step-brother” Mike.  He was going to be coming up to the local area and wanted to hang out.

It had been years since I saw Mike.  He and I grew up together in the same house.  Our parents were long time ex lovers.  His mom and my dad were together since I was about 8.  My mom and dad split up about a year before that and he ended up with Sissy.  She hated me.  I hated her. . . but there were boys there.  Boys who grew to take care of me, speak well of me, and always…ALWAYS protect me.

This was one of them.

We grew up together in a house where partying happened.  A lot of partying, and drugs, and Lord only knows what I didn’t see.  I know you’re probably thinking it was Hell to live in that environment, but it wasn’t becaus: where there was partying there was us making the most of it.  Me and the two little big “brothers”, who laughed, and explored, and served to protect each other from the mean things that drugs do to people.

Our parents split up when we were in nearby high schools, but we never lost touch.  When we were in nearby schools, Chris would take the bus to my house to sit on the porch and talk.  We told each other everything.

Since I was a year older, I left for college before they were out of high school.  We didn’t have Facebook back then, so we didn’t talk for quite a few years at that point.  After high school, both boys went into the military.  Michael went to the Army, and Chris went to the Marines.  We no longer could speak eachother, or see one another, and years went by.

About 10 or so years later, we reconnected via Facebook and would chat and chat.  Michael was serving our country and well, he was one of the US Army’s best at the time.  So I couldn’t wait to hear about it…and know the years I missed.

About an hour after that phone call I was in a truck with my little brother headed to bond…for what became 2 days in a row.  We talked, shared stories, drank, laughed.  Wow, did he have some stories to tell!!  After having been in the Army for so long he had seen a lot and done a lot.

At one point that second night I looked at Michael and said, “Mike…what are we??”.

He didn’t think for a second and replied, “We’re brother and sister…there’s no other explanation.”  And we were set…at least for the next few years.

Michael passed away December 1, 2012.  He would have been 26 today.

Blood is not thicker than water, but the soul is. My soul misses me some Michael.  Happy birthday brother. We miss you and will think of you when the going gets rough…as you pave the way for us. 🙂 See you one day. oxox